Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Some things that I gained during my recovery from my eating disorder, besides weight

(Potential TW due to talk of ED stuff. It's all pretty positive but be mindful and be safe)

Not too long ago, a few of my friends shared a post on Facebook where someone described the things that she lost because of her eating disorder, besides weight.
It really was very moving and showed how much can be lost when someone is in the grips of an eating disorder. It's not just weight that is lost, there is so much more.

This got me thinking about the things that I gained during recovery, besides weight.

Yes, I did gain weight but I also gained:

  •  A sense of freedom that came with allowing myself to eat when I want to and what I want in that moment.
  • The colour in my cheeks and the sparkle in my eyes.
  • Warmth.
  • CAKE.
  • The energy to get up in the morning to do my job with the best of my ability and see the difference I can make.
  • The comfort of lying down on a normal mattress without my legs going numb and everything aching.
  • Love and excitement.
  • New relationships (including the love of my life)*
  • Silliness, Playtime.
  • Cuddles that don't hurt.
  • Time to be still and breathe. Time for me.
  • Time to figure out who I am and to find out that I am worth caring about.
  • Smiles. Laughs. That uncontrolled laughter when something so funny I can barely breathe. 
  • The rest of my life that could have so easily been lost. 
  • The ability to appreciate the things around me. That ability to simply feel and experience instead of being stuck in constant thoughts of food, exercise, plans, decisions, fear...
  • The knowledge that my body and what I put in it does not define who I am. I am a fierce and compassionate person. I am a thousand things and more and I know this now. 

*want some crackers with that cheeeeeese? ;)